Worst Governor Ever: Sarah Palin Tries, Fails to Win Over Constituent
If you thought Levi Johnston’s run for mayor would be the funniest story regarding Alaska politics all day on THG, we wouldn’t blame you. But think again!
A woman from Homer, Alaska recently made a 30-foot sign to welcome her state’s former chief executive, Sarah Palin, to her hometown. Its simple message:
WORST GOVERNOR EVER.
Why Sarah didn’t just ignore this, we have no idea. But she decided to confront the woman, who accused the ex-governor of being a money-hungry sellout.
“You swore on your precious Bible that you would uphold the interests of this state,” she said. “Then, when cash was waved in front of your face, you quit.”
Yup, pretty much.
Either baffled and serious or sarcastic and bitter (it’s hard to tell), Palin responded: “Oh, you wanted me to be your governor! I’m honored. Thank you.”
After the woman rips her for choosing celebrity status over her job, Sarah says to daughter Bristol Palin, “I’m honored that she thinks I’m a celebrity!”
Fist-pumpin’ and runnin’ in place, Sarah claims she’s working to “elect candidates who understand the constitution, to protect our military interests so that we can keep on fightin’ for the constitution, those protections, those freedoms.”
That and getting rich, of course. Amazingly, Palin posted this on Facebook and lambasted the LSM (lame-stream media) for reporting the encounter.
“They claim I - wait for it - ‘appear to roll my eyes’ when the lady tells me that she’s a teacher,” she writes. “Maybe that’s why Botox is all the rage - if you can’t move your eyebrows, your ‘eye rolling’ can’t be misinterpreted.”
Couldn’t have said it better ourselves.
Do you like Sarah Palin?
Steven Slater Ends Flight Attendant Career in Hilarious, Illegal Fashion
After over two decades of dealing with rude airline passengers, Steven Slater finally lost it today.
The JetBlue flight attendant was aboard a recently-landed plane in New York’s Kennedy Airport when a woman got up prematurely to remove her baggage from the overhead bin. Slater approached the individual, only to be conked in the head with the suitcase and told to “f-ck off.”
He responded by getting on the intercom and saying: “To the f—ing a–hole who told me to f— off, it’s been a good 28 years. I’ve had it. That’s it.”
Slater then opened the emergency hatch, grabbed his two carry-on bags - and two beers! - and jumped down the inflatable airplane slide to safety. At least temporarily.
According to The New York Daily News, Port Authority police were alerted to the incident and showed up at Slater’s home in Queens, where they found him in bed with his boyfriend. A neighbor says Slater was smiling as the cops walked him away in handcuffs.
He’ll be charged with 2nd-and 4th-degree criminal mischief; 1st- and 2nd-degree reckless endangerment and criminal trespass in the 3rd degree; and faces up to seven years in jail.
Sources, and Slater’s own MySpace page, confirm that he’s battled substance abuse. His father also recently died and he’s been taking care of his critically-ill mother. Both parents worked for the airline industry.
Let’s all hope Steven Slater walks away from this altercation a free man. After all, as Phil Catelinet, a passenger on the flight, said afterward: “I wish we could all quit our jobs like that.”
The Incarceration of Lindsay Lohan: A Reenactment
By now you pretty much know all there is to know about the Lindsay Lohan saga. Well, if you live in the U.S., anyway. For viewers in Taiwan, a news station decided to sum up the celebrity scandal with an animated reenactment.
As with their interpretation of Tiger and Elin Woods’ fight last December, Taiwanese News Channel’s take on the incarceration of Lindsay takes some (hilarious) creative liberties. Michael Lohan was not next to her in court, for example.
Michael makes two cameos in this dramatization for some reason, throwing a shoe at Kate Major in the other. Meanwhile, TNC’s vision of Lindsay’s life in jail - prison yard fights, dropping the soap in the shower - is LOL material.
Check it out below …
Eva Mendes Sex Tape: Released!
Eva Mendes is hot, and has just released her sex tape online.
Unfortunately, if you’re of an ogling mindset, it’s probably not what you think. Still, she remains an attractive female, and the video is definitely good for a laugh.
This Funny or Die spoof involves some great plays on words, and even makes fun of the people who search for her naked on the Internet. Talkin’ to you, fellas!
To hear Eva Mendes herself describe it, this sex tape is all about sticky situations and the nastiest, dirtiest, most flexible things … rain gutters, for instance:
Awesome Lindsay Lohan Fan Ambushes Lawyer
It’s been a busy week at Lynwood Correctional Facility, the women’s prison lucky enough to count Lindsay Lohan among its residents for 10 days and counting.
Yesterday, Lindsay’s mom Dina visited with sister Ali, lamenting that her daughter is just a common criminal in the eyes of Lynwood guards and administrators.
She also met with lawyer Shawn Chapman Holley, and then things got interesting … on Holley’s way out, when she fielded questions from reporters.
One person she didn’t expect to see? A protester claiming to be Lindsay’s #1 superfan, wearing a “LINNOCENT” sweat shirt and screaming out “LOmania!!!!”
Boom box (?!) in hand, the fan asked LiLo’s lawyer, “Do you represent public urination victims?” Holley responded by saying, “funnest jail parking lot ever.”
Wholeheartedly agreed:
Jusin Bieber Rides Segway, Narrowly Escapes Mauling
Justin Bieber is many things:
A singer, a heartthrob, a CSI guest star.
But we never would have pegged the artist for a big tease.
In this hilarious, frightening video, Bieber hops aboard a Segway and scoots around fans in Glendale, Arizona. They go as bat $hit crazy for Justin as you might expect, as we fear for the adorable singer’s life. Ride faster, J Biebs!
Introducing: Twilight for Guys!
Eclipse may be setting the box office on fire, but let’s face it:
How many of those in attendance are men?
If any film in The Twilight Saga wishes to truly set revenue records, it should follow the advice of the following parody, as summed up by this quote from it:
Your skin is soft and shaved everywhere… I know what you are: vampire lesbian.
While we’d never object to ladies in their underwear, the best part of the video above is the reaction of the men that watched this altered version of the film. To wit:
“It was the best acted movie since Reindeer Games!”
Hilarious stuff.
Ty Lawson to Kim Kardashian: Do Me!
Ty Lawson is a back-up point guard for the Dencer Nuggets.
And he wants to win a championship so badly that he’s willing to go where no man… okay, where many men have gone before: into Kim Kardashian!
Following Reggis Bush and the New Orleans Saints’ Super Bowl victory in February, and Lamar Odom’s NBA title with the Lakers last week, Lawson has realized the key to going all the way is to… go all the way - with a Kardashian sister!
He hilariously Tweeted today: “I heard if u hit a kardashian i win a championship .. Kim k holla me!!! I need ya for 17 min. I’ll take one for the team lol”
Though there have been no photos and no named sources to back it up, Kim is rumored to be dating Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin.
As Lawson writes, if Dallas wins a championship next season, “then this thing is amazing.”
There are two caveats to the baller’s theory, however: Ray J and Scott Disick are still major losers.
Drunk Guy at Concert Fails to Secure Flip Flop
This has been circulating for a few weeks, but THG only just found it thanks to the social networking marvel that is Twitter, and just had to share with you.
The gist: An individual was so plastered in broad daylight at this spring’s Coachella Festival that they could not locate their flip flops right in front of them.
Amazingly, it’s not Lindsay Lohan!
This poor guy, apparently on his way to a portable bathroom of some kind, may have wanted to find an IV instead. Check it out if you need a good laugh:
Thanks go out to Twitter, and specifically pro tennis star Andy Roddick, for sharing this with us. Follow these link to follow THG on Twitter and Facebook!
Adult Convention to Bring Together Tiger Woods, Jesse James and David Boreanaz Mistresses
If there’s anything worse than being outed for X-rated dalliances with porn stars and other assorted sleazy women, it’s them going on tour to remind everyone of it.
Is this a great country or what?
Yes, three of Tiger Woods’ alleged mistresses, one of Jesse James’ cheating partners and women tied to David Boreanaz and even Reggie Bush are coming together.
No pun intended.
Stars like Joslyn James, Holly Sampson and Devon James (Tiger) are teaming up to tour the U.S. and remind everyone of his lowest moments. With reinforcements.
Remember Devon James? No? She’s Tiger mistress #1,145! Come on!
Melissa Smith (Jesse), January Gessert (Reggie) and Demi Delia (Boreanaz, apparently) and others will appear at the “eXXXtacy 2010″ convention in Chicago in July.
The roving band of porn stars is planning to blow into other cities as well, reports Joslyn’s manager Gina Rodriguez, herself an alleged mistress of David Boreanaz.
Man that guy got around. So underrated.
Rodriguez tells us she’s booked the cheaters circus for the next few months, not unlike Joslyn’s traveling strip show, although she wouldn’t reveal specific dates.
Please, tell us Orlando is on the list.
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