Thank goodness.

Despite John Mayer's recent comments, in which he spoke in no uncertain terms about boning Jessica Simpson, she says she's still a trusting person deep down.

"I'm not as guarded as you would think. I should probably be more guarded. I trust a lot of people, actually," the actress told Ryan Seacrest on his radio show.

Not that she's over being disappointed in John, who has apologized for calling her "sexual napalm" and "crack cocaine," and whose apology she did not accept.

"That's truly how I felt and still feel," she said. "Somebody that you have cared about for a long time, you just hope they can keep the intimate things intimate."

LIKE CRACK: We hear that describes her in bed. Someone said that ...

In all honesty, as much as we think John Mayer is a pretentious a$$clown who needs to go the hell away, does Jessica really have to keep harping on this issue?

• How "betrayed" can you be? You dated a guy, he bragged about it later. That makes him a jackass, absolutely, but it's not like he boned CaCee Cobb.
• He said she was amazing in bed! Again, he's an idiotic douchebag, but at the crux of Mayer's Playboy interview was praise for Simpson's sex moves.

After taking John to task, she spoke warmly of Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan, who worked with her on the theme for her show The Price of Beauty.

"I can't find good enough words to speak about Billy," Simpson said. "He's a very, very dear friend. For him to give his time and his talents and share them with me, it was a great experience. And I hope we can do more music together."

Sexual Napalm denies making anything more than music with him, though.

Charlie Sheen can soon start uttering unfunny Two and a Half Men quotes again.

Next week, the actor will resume shooting the terrible CBS sitcom, but there's a caveat: he'll have to return to rehab every night. There are four episodes of the show remaining to the filmed this season.

On Monday, March 15, Sheen will be in an Aspen court for his felony arraignment. He'll then go back to Los Angeles that evening, where he'll stay at a treatment center and then head to work first thing Tuesday morning.

Meanwhile, insiders say Sheen is in good spirits and his doctors have given him permission to resume shooting.

As for that woman who claims to have done drugs, as well as Sheen AND Brooke Mueller... no word from her yet.

You gotta give it to Heidi Montag here. Mocking her own plastic surgery addiction as part of an effort to urge Congress and consumers to enact fiscal reform? Genius.

The Hills star is now joining the rest of the country in laughing at The Hills star with the help of Funny or Die and director Ron Howard, who created this new video.

The goal? To urge Congress to enact financial reform.

"I was honored to work with the amazing Ron Howard," Montag said. "He was kind, generous and made me feel so comfortable ... feel so confident in my talent."

Whatever that might consist of.

Heidi Montag's "talent" is on full display. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

In any case, Montag's video is part of a series by the Americans for Financial Reform that urges, among other things, massive call-ins throughout the week to push Congress toward forming a strong, independent Consumer Financial Protection Agency.

Heidi jokes in the pseudo PSA that reality stars who max out their credit cards for unnecessary plastic surgery need financial relief. What is a poor gal to do?!

Funny and Die is working on additional videos to urge the government to act on and pass financial reform. Follow the jump to see Heidi Montag do her part ...

Heidi Montag For Financial Reform

Emmy-winning CBS News producer Robert 'Joe' Halderman pleaded guilty to shaking down David Letterman as payback for the host's affair with his girlfriend.

Today, Halderman admitted giving Dave a "screenplay treatment" that was "a thinly veiled threat to ruin Mr. Letterman if he did not pay me a lot of money."

In exchange for the guilty plea, the extortion plotter will receive a six-month prison sentence, 4 1/2 years probation and 1,000 hours of community service.

Outside court, he expressed his remorse for the sordid episode.

"I apologize to Mr. Letterman, to his family, to (girlfriend) Stephanie Birkitt and her family, and my family and friends," said Halderman in a brief statement.

The plea came five months after Halderman threatened to expose Letterman's affairs with several female staffers, including the blackmailer's ex, Birkitt.

David Letterman and his blackmailer, Robert "Joe" Halderman.

Letterman released a statement thanking city police and prosecutors for their help in resolving the bizarre case that exposed his fondness for staffers.

"I had complete faith that a just and appropriate result was inevitable," Letterman said. "On behalf of my family, I am extremely grateful for their efforts."

Halderman would have faced up to 15 years behind bars if he had been convicted of a bizarre blackmail scheme involving the long-time Late Show host.

David Letterman's affair with Halderman's girlfriend, Stephanie Birkitt, ended shortly before his blackmail bid, but also predated her living with Halderman.

Halderman was arrested after Letterman - in a stunning admission on air - admitted cheating on wife Regina Lasko and detailed the blackmail attempt.

Halderman actually collected a $2 million check from Letterman as part of a sting operation started after the host went to police about the shakedown.

He was busted after depositing the check in his Connecticut bank.

The music world's answer to Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson gave a radio interview with Q102 in Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania yesterday.

Justin Bieber met and greeted fans that turned out to see the young star, prior to chatting with deejays about his upcoming album, My World 2.0.

The CD will be released on March 23 and Bieber will support it with his very first headlining tour. In other words: expect to see A LOT of this face over the next few weeks. But that's not a bad thing, is it?

[Photos: Splash News]

Controversial, frequently absent Grey's Anatomy cast member Katherine Heigl may be returning  to the halls of Seattle Grace Hospital, but she won’t be doing it as a blonde!

The actress stepped out for lunch yesterday in L.A. as a brunette, and while Katherine has become one of Hollywood’s most noteworthy blondes, the dark 'do does the job.

It may not be her signature look, but we like the length as well, and sometimes, a little change is good. We just wonder if Izzie Stevens will now become brunette, too.

Which hair color do you like best on Katherine? Vote below ...

What's Katherine Heigl's best hair color?

He may be releasing a book and working on a new album, but David Archuleta still has time to watch American Idol.

Asked by The Los Angeles Times about the new crop of contestants, the season seven runner-up said:

“I think they’re really talented. They show a lot of their own personalities, and I liked that about them. And there’s some really good singers, too. Like Andrew Garcia, I like the character that he’s shown. I feel like there’s a lot of pressure for them because people are now expecting them to change up the songs, and they’re not sure exactly what to be showing people.

"It’s matter of balance - changing the song enough to show who you are but still preserving the song for what made it magical.”

As for his upcoming CD?

“I’ve been working on it since January, but I had my first writing sessions in the summer, and I went to Nashville to write in October. Then the Christmas album came out and sort of took over, but I go back to Nashville this week. I just want it to sound more like me.

"I want people to say, ‘This is David talking.’ Instead of just interpreting - and I’m sure there will be songs like that - I want to focus on showing people who I am, what my personality is like and hoping that I leave an impression on people."

He's already left an impression on many people. Years after he exited the Idol stage, David remains one of the show's most popular alums.

Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney became the first couple from The Bachelor to walk down the aisle February 27. ABC aired a two-hour special about it last night.

In keeping with our tradition, THG endured the two-freaking-hour extravaganza to recap every bit of the action in our exclusive, highly scientific plus/minus index:

Updates on past stars: Trista and Ryan are going strong; Ed Swiderski and Jillian Harris are doing well; A bunch of peeps we don't remember are there too. Plus 5.

DeAnna Pappas, who Jason once proposed to, is dating Stephen Stagliano, ... the twin of Michael Stagliano from Jillian's season. This is just incestuous. Minus 3.

The stirring Chris Harrison commentary begins with the venerable host-pimp calling this "one of the most anticipated weddings of all time." Of all time! Plus 11.

The Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney nuptials took place in the driving rain. Minus 4 for missed Alanis Morissette "Ironic" musical tie-in ... okay, maybe Plus 4.

Not even a monsoon could dampen the spirits of Jason and Molly.

In all seriousness, the event was quite romantic. Jason Castro's "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" was a nice touch, and the setting made for great wedding photos. Plus 10.

Molly's dress gets an additional Plus 7 too. Look how beautiful she is.

By the end of the ceremony, they are totally soaked, but Jason and Molly don't seem to care one bit. Those Bachelor hot tub scenes prepared them so well. Plus 4.

Minus 9 for Chris' "Jason and Molly weathered the storm" eye-roller. Do they sit around thinking these up, or is the master of ceremonies that good on the fly?

Gavin DeGraw performs "Follow Through." Fitting. Wonder if Jason and Molly had heard of Gavin DeGraw prior to ABC setting this up? Either way, Plus 3. Good song!

It was a fairy tale moment ... engineered by Mike Fleiss.

The Bachelor is not about love. It is all about ratings. That being said, genuine feelings definitely came out of Jason and Molly's season, and the wedding special did a nice job of showcasing them as a couple in addition to the obligatory filler. Plus 11.

The franchise is still 2-for-19 though. 2-for-19! Minus 10.

Jason and Molly now embark on a South African safari honeymoon, which sounds like an absolute blast, provided Chris is cool crashing on the couch. Plus 7.

Odds of Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi taking part in a similar wedding special next season ... or any season? Somewhere around 500:1. Minus 12, Jake.

TOTAL: +24. Congratulations to a happy couple we wish all the best to!

On The Tonight Show last night, Simon Cowell was his usual self: witty, charming and open about everything.

First, he was asked about girlfriend Mezhgan Hussainy and told Jay Leno that he'll marry her "within the next ten years. This prompted the unfunny host to actually invite Hussainy onto the stage with her man.

She squeezed in close to Simon and laughed when he said:

"I always said if I was going to get engaged, I'd get engaged to a makeup artist," adding that he gets "at least three touch-ups a night," if you know what Simon means!

About his plans for children, Simon replied: "I'm kind of torn because I'm a bit too old to have kids but then I think it would be awesome to have a lot of mes running around."

Among other topics Cowell goes into above: how much he misses Paula Abdul, whether they'll work together again and why he likes Crystal Bowersox a lot this season.

Lindsay Lohan is suing for $100 million from E*TRADE, believing that the "milkaholic" baby featured in their Super Bowl commercial was modeled after her.

The ad features a baby named Lindsay, accused of being the other woman in a baby love triangle. We'd love to have been in the writers' room for this one.

At one point, the "girlfriend" baby demands to know whether or not the main baby was out doing some partying with "that milk-a-holic Lindsay" last night.

A third baby pops into frame - supposedly "Lindsay" - and delivers the line "Milk-a-what?" Totally her. Anything "-holic" is a jab at Lohan, without a doubt.

Naturally, Linds feels this "subliminal message" is defamatory.

In response, the alleged actress has filed a lawsuit in Nassau County, N.Y., Supreme Court, claiming E*TRADE violated her  rights by using her "name and characterization" in business without paying her or getting her approval.

Perhaps Lindsay should start an E*TRADE account, because there are other ways of getting paid than frivolous lawsuits (her surname is never spoken in the ad).

Lohan's lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, says that doesn't matter, under the reasoning: "Do you know the name Oprah? You know the name Madonna? Same thing."

Regarding the "milkaholic" reference, Ovadia would not address it directly, except to say that "If you look at the commercial as a whole, it's Lindsay Lohan."

Is it really, though? You be the judge: